How to Say No (and Mean It)

goalsboundaries

Dec 29

For so many of us, saying no feels challenging. Whether it’s agreeing to bake cupcakes for a local fundraiser, taking on extra projects at work, or showing up to every single social event—even when we’re exhausted—it’s easier to say yes than to risk disappointing someone. But here’s the truth: every time you say yes when you really want to say no you’re giving away a little piece of yourself. Your time and energy are finite resources, and overcommitting leaves you running on empty.

As we approach the end of the year, and many folks are feeling that exhaustion it’s a great time to think about what to say no to in the New Year and more importantly, how to say it. Learning to say no is one of the most powerful boundary-setting tools you can develop—and it’s not about being selfish or rude. It’s about showing respect for yourself and your needs.

Why Saying No Feels So Hard

If you’ve struggled with people-pleasing, the idea of saying no may make you feel guilty. Many of us were raised to believe that being agreeable makes us kind and helpful, while saying no risks rejection or makes us sound selfish. The truth is that saying yes when you mean no is not honest or authentic. It creates a disharmony inside of you and fosters resentment. By the time you’re 40 you’ve said yes to so many nos that you may not even know what you really like/want/need anymore! But I bet you do know that you’re tired and frustrated and feel pulled in 1,000 directions.

We need to reframe how we think about saying No. We teach others how to treat us by setting boundaries and expectations on how we want our time respected and what we need in order to feel comfortable. I am an introvert by nature with a lot of creative and active hobbies. I am also a morning person (my night owl days are long gone) and I prefer being outdoors to watching movies or TV. If I agree to going out to a late-night, loud, big-group evening - I’m going to dread that for the whole week leading up to it. Then I will really drag my feet about going and resentfully show up. I’m sure that’s not how the inviter would want me to feel - as far as they know, I’m as enthusiastic as I said I was about attending!

The Impact of Inauthenticity

It’s more than simply not telling the truth. What the mind ignores, the body keeps score of and that often shows up as migraines, fatigue, stomach issues, back and shoulder pain, auto-immune disease flare-ups, phantom colds, and more. When we are constantly agreeing to things that go against our true grain, that builds up inside us - emotionally and physically. Ever blown up on someone unfairly? Then you know what I mean! Maybe you were mad, but not quite that mad, but they got the brunt of it. Your body does the same thing and we often put ourselves (and our health) last until it truly stacks up into a real problem we can’t ignore. Not telling the truth to yourself and not telling the truth to others? No, thank you!

How to Say ‘No’ Without Guilt

It’s all well and fine to want to say no, but how? If the idea of saying “no” feels daunting, you’re not alone. Here are some simple strategies to help you say it with confidence and kindness:

1. Practice The Pause

When someone asks you for something, resist the urge to answer immediately. Give yourself a moment to consider whether the request aligns with your capacity and priorities. This gives you time to think—and prevents knee-jerk “yeses” you might regret later.

“Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
“I have a number of commitments that week, I’ll let you know by Wednesday.”

2. Be Clear and Concise

A respectful no doesn’t need to be overly complicated and you don’t need to make excuses (which often can wind up being more lies). Keep it simple and straightforward - you don’t need to justify your decision.

“Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t commit to that right now.”
“I’m stretched too thin at the moment, so I have to decline.”
“Honestly? I’m beat this week. Thank you for the invite!”

3. Offer Alternatives (If You Want To)

If you genuinely want to help but can’t fulfill the specific request, offering an alternative can soften your “no.” This keeps the door open while respecting your boundaries.

“I can’t make it to the meeting, but I’d be happy to review the notes afterward.”
“I’m more of an early bird, can we meet up for brunch next Sunday instead of going out to the bar?”

4. Practice Saying ‘No’ to Small Things

Start building your confidence by saying “no” in low-stakes situations. The more you practice, the easier it will feel in bigger moments.

Politely decline when a store clerk offers you an upsell you don’t want
Say “no, thank you” to attending an event you’re not interested in.

5. Release the Guilt

This might be the hardest step, but it’s crucial: remind yourself that saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you an honest one.

When guilt creeps in, ask yourself:

Am I saying ‘no’ because I’m prioritizing what truly matters to me?
What would happen if I said ‘yes’ and ended up overwhelmed or resentful?
Why would I deprioritize my needs? Can I adjust my mindset to one of self-love where I too, deserve to be happy?

6. More Scripts for Common Situations

Work: “I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity right now. Is there another way we can make this happen?”
Friends or Family: “Thanks for inviting me, but I need to take some time for myself this weekend.”
Social Events: “I really appreciate the invite, but I’ll have to pass this time.”
Unsolicited Requests: “That’s not something I can take on right now.”

The Freedom of Saying ‘No’

Learning to say no can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to saying yes to everything. And, you will most likely surprise the folks around you! You might even get some push-back - those near you have come to rely on you to shoulder the weight (whether they think you want to or not). With practice and repetition it gets easier and the people that care about you will adjust. Odds are you will find your relationships clearer and more enjoyable as people aren’t having to guess what brings you joy and you are showing up 100%.

Next time you feel the pressure to say yes, pause and remember: it’s okay to say no. In fact, it might be the most loving thing you can do for yourself—and for others. Let me know how it goes!