Hard Things Don’t Have to Hurt

The Difference Between Grit and Self-Sabotage

"Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life." — Jerzy Gregorek

Let’s get one thing straight: resilience is not the same thing as having a hard life.

We’re in a cultural moment where suffering is being rebranded as mental toughness. Party all weekend and hit the gym hard Monday morning? Grit. Work 60 hours a week and cut your sleep back to 4 hours a night? No pain, no gain! Staying in a relationship that drains the life out of you while telling yourself you’re “tough enough to handle it”? Noble sacrifice. Work a job that makes you hate every morning? Warrior mindset.

But here’s the truth: that’s not resilience. That’s survival. And while survival is something we all have to do at times, and a necessary gear to tap into when needed, it’s not a place you want to live.

Resilience doesn’t come from living a life that sucks. It comes from taking stock of your life—and then choosing to challenge yourself with purpose.

Survival Isn’t Strength

There are plenty of people who wake up every day in pain—mental, emotional, physical—and power through like it earns them a badge of honor. They’re tired, unfulfilled, and stuck in systems or cycles that aren't aligned with the life they want to live. But instead of asking if something could change, they double down and call it strength. Take the guy who wakes up exhausted after staying up too late drinking with the guys, then forces himself through a punishing gym session because he thinks it earns him toughness points. His job drains him, his relationship feels like a slow leak, but he powers through—day after day—telling himself that “suffering builds character.” Or the woman who’s mastered every high-performance habit on paper - Cold plunges. Heavy lifts. Journaling. Meditation. But when real life gets messy—when a relationship cracks or a project fails—she crumbles. Avoids. Spirals. Panics. The resilience she’s built in theory never shows up where it counts.

That’s the difference. Resilience isn’t about how much you can push through daily—it’s about how you show up when life is hard.

Doing Hard Things from a Place of Power

Once your life is more aligned—once you’ve done the inner work, cleaned up your relationships, and taken responsibility for your choices—then doing hard things becomes a tool, not a crutch.

• You choose to run the extra hill.

• You hold the last rep a little longer.

• You have the uncomfortable conversation right away.

• You send the email. You fix the thing. You show up.

You don’t do it to punish yourself. You do it because you want to stay sharp, honest, and grounded. In our house, we always take the harder road—but not because we’re addicted to suffering. It’s because we’ve seen what happens when life throws something unexpected your way, and you’ve trained yourself to rise, not panic. When things don’t go your way, resilience helps you build the muscle to say, “We’ll figure it out. No problem.” That attitude—that practice—comes from thousands of reps in doing small hard things every day, on purpose.

5 Red Flags You’re Glorifying Suffering (Not Building Resilience)

If you’re unsure whether you’re actually building resilience—or just surviving in disguise—watch for these:

1. You never rest—and feel guilty when you do.
   Resilient people know when to push and when to pause. If you're always “on,” something's off.

2. You stay in painful situations way too long.
   Whether it's a job, a relationship, or a lifestyle—if you're only staying to prove you can endure it, that’s not strength. That’s fear disguised as toughness.

3. You treat your body like it’s disposable.
   Pushing through illness, exhaustion, hunger, or injury doesn't make you disciplined. It makes you disconnected from your own needs.

4. You do hard things but don’t apply them to real life.
   Cold plunges are great—but do you also handle conflict with grace? Tackle bills on time? Speak up when it counts?

5. You view every setback as an attack.
   If daily hiccups derail your mood, you’re not building grit—you’re reinforcing fragility.

How to Actually Build Resilience (Without Burning Out)

If you want to become someone who handles life with calm strength, here's how to start:

1. Choose discomfort on purpose.
   Don’t wait for life to hit you—train your mind and body to meet resistance. Pick one thing daily: go the long way home, say the hard truth, wake up 15 minutes earlier, tell the truth in all situations for a day. Small reps count.

2. Do what you said you’d do.
   Finish the workout. Make the call. Send the email. Keep promises to yourself even when no one’s watching. Especially then.

3. Handle things early.
   Instead of putting off that annoying task or conversation, knock it out. Procrastination creates stress. Action builds confidence.

4. Build a baseline of peace.
   Sleep. Eat real food. Move your body. If your life is constantly in chaos, you’re not training for resilience—you’re just surviving.

5. Respond, don’t react.
   When things go wrong, pause. Ask yourself: What’s the next right step? Train your nervous system to move forward instead of melt down.

Resilience isn’t about how much pain you can take. It’s about how gracefully you can move through the world when pain, challenge, or stress shows up. Don’t build a life that exhausts you. Build a self that can handle anything.

If this interests you, please send me a message - helping folks get from there to here is my passion. Deciding to explore your potential is exciting and occasionally terrifying (I know, I’ve been there!) and you don’t have to do it alone. I’ve got online courses opening up shortly as well as limited private sessions.

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