My Story: From Burnout to Bliss

mindfulnessfoundationpersonal growthsuccess

Feb 22

What Seven Years of Change Looks Like

When I tell you that I wasn’t always this happy, I’m not kidding.

Seven years ago, I was living in the first home I had somehow finagled my way into buying. I knew it was a smart investment, but I had to borrow the down payment just to make it happen. My mortgage was exorbitant, but my income was finally high enough that I convinced myself it would all pay off. It was a gamble, but I was making it. I had Pacific Ocean views from my kitchen and rooftop deck, designer furniture imported from Italy, a marriage, a business, and a career at a booming startup. On paper, it looked perfect. But in reality? I was unhealthy, unhappy, and completely unsure of what to do next. I thought if I just kept going, it would all work out. Instead, I kept working harder and getting unhappier.

In 2018, desperate to reconnect with joy, I started painting again. For brief moments, it gave me solace, a break from the constant chaos. But like yanking noise-canceling headphones off at a heavy metal concert, the relief was temporary. The feeling never lasted.

By 2020, I was severely sick with COVID before it was widely recognized. I sat in urgent care with a steroid shot and an inhaler, convinced I was dying. Despite a 103º fever, I still had to show up for work, take on a new role, manage a new staff, and oversee the entire supply chain for a frozen pet food company during the first year of COVID. It was an absolute nightmare. And the harder I tried, the less joy I found. I was exhausted in every possible way. You can see it in my old photos—there’s no light in my eyes, no spark, no joy. I was tentative. I was scared. I was tired.

After a handful of urgent care visits and an ER trip between 2019 and 2020—for everything from massive anxiety to heart palpitations and numbness—I realized that change had become a matter of life or death. At the end of my rope, I put everything on the table. I decided to quit my job, sell the house, move states, find a different job, buy a home somewhere I had always wanted to live, and try to find myself again. I was finally ready to ask the hard questions I had been avoiding:

What was hurting me?
Was I happy in this town?
Was I satisfied with my career?
What was really wrong in my marriage?
Who were my real friends?
Why didn’t I know my favorite color, song, or movie anymore?
When had I gotten so tired?
Why had I given up?
Why had I put myself last?

And lastly: What was I going to do about all of it?

I called my longtime therapist and told her I was going to change my entire life. She wisely suggested I take things one step at a time—but once I started turning over the stones, I couldn’t stop. The more I made my own decisions—what I wanted to do that day, where I wanted to run, what music I wanted to listen to, what colors I liked wearing—the little things started shaking up the big things. I began speaking up. I started saying when my feelings were hurt. When I didn’t agree. When I wanted something different. I started being myself again. I experimented with new and forgotten sides of myself. I listened to different music. I had a personal shopper pick out a new style for me to try. I finally got another tattoo I had been wanting. I made new friends. I discovered new hobbies. I put myself first.

Four months later, I asked for a divorce from my longtime best friend and husband. It was painful, awful, and heartbreaking. But through both of our efforts, we maintained respect, love, and care through the grueling process. I didn’t know what would happen next, and for the first time, that didn’t matter. Any direction I moved was going to work out for me. I kept telling myself, As I get ready to move into a new home, my home is getting ready for me, too. Over and over again, I reminded myself: there is no longer room inside me for unhappiness.

Rebuilding From the Ground Up

By my birthday that year, my wonderful realtor and her team handed me the keys to my very own home. Sure enough, as I had been packing, it had been getting ready for me. It was perfect. A narrow two-story Portland home, nestled in a sweet neighborhood with gorgeous windows, a massive art studio, vaulted ceilings, skylights, and a darling little yard for my flower and vegetable garden. On moving day, I arrived with my cats, slept on the floor of my new bedroom, and watched the clouds drift over the stars. I had no idea how I had pulled it off, but I knew one thing: I would never doubt my inner voice again.

The next year, I quit my job—for good. I drove from Portland to Seattle to clean out my office. The executive team asked where I was going next. I laughed and told them the truth: Nowhere. I’m taking time to relax, heal, and figure out what’s next—but I know for sure it won’t be another corporate job. I expected judgment. Instead, they envied my willingness to make that choice. That’s when I knew I hadn’t just thrown myself a lifeline—I had pulled myself to shore and was about to build something entirely new.

The Life I Built

I spent the next year rediscovering myself. I made a giant list of adventures and went on them all - from spring wildflower hikes to seeing the waterfall corridor at sunrise to a distillery tour where I met a woman who became a dear friend, to taking pole dancing classes and trying new restaurants and writing parts of a book in cafes with foggy windows in Astoria and doing cartwheels at Cannon Beach. I joined a tech startup on the side for fun and flew to Dubai to meet my partners. I planted vegetables and roses and built my little yard until it was perfect. I hung curtains - breezy white linen with cute tassels and sun sparklers to fill my home with rainbow light. I painted a LOT. I ran the forest trails almost every day. I wrote every single day. I waved at people from my art studio and drank wine on my neighbors back deck, telling wild tales of years past. I rafted on rivers and paddle boarded at Trillium Lake. I put together a few income sources, enough to pay my bills, and learned to live on less and found deep joy in trading money back for my freedom.

That next New Years, I decided I needed to travel again and booked a dream trip. A direct flight from PDX to Amsterdam, a few days there to explore and then off to Manarola, Italy - a village I’ve visited before and love. I rented a beautiful little apartment with an ocean view and a balcony to sun on. I thought perhaps I’ll never come back! What if I write my book there? Perhaps I’ll paint the gorgeous seaside and sell my work to tourists as if I’m a traveling artist! Maybe I’d meet the man of my dreams and have a wild affair abroad! I laughed and made sure my passport was current, after all - anything can happen once you take your foot off the brake. By the end of February, I accidentally fell in love. An old friend texted out of the blue, and within a few days I though, “Oh no. This is it.” I wasn’t looking for love, if anything, I’d created the perfect life for one - me! I didn’t know if I was ready to put that on the line, but my heart said yes and I had promised myself that I would always listen moving forward.

My Life Now

The rest, as they say, is history. I finally launched my life’s work (you’re here)! I rented out my Portland home. I travel the world with the love of my life and we live primarily in a little village on a Greek island. I am healthy. I am happy. I am fulfilled. My time is full of things that bring me joy and I have ample happiness to share. It is my life’s purpose to share this with you and to share the things I have learned along the way in hopes that it empowers you to not hold back on the life you truly desire and deserve. You may not have to make such drastic changes (or heck, yours might be wilder), but you are worthy of the time and effort it takes to live the life of your dreams. At no point did I have assurances, certainty, or a guarantee that any of this would work. I was willing to put in the effort to honestly look at my life, the consistent work to make the changes I needed to make, and through each and every win, I built the confidence required to be the person I needed to be to do the things I needed to do.

I look back at those photos from years prior and I see so much exhaustion and fear - the life that is possible for me today was not possible for that Rose. It was never going to be on the table. But by wondering what would happen if it could be - everything changed. Want to know the secret? My life is not a result of luck or good fortune - it’s the result of courage and work. And here’s the truth:

You will never feel “ready.”
You will become the person you need to be.
You deserve the life of your dreams—not someone else’s.
You will be scared. Do it anyway.
You won’t know how to do things—but you will learn.
You will find your inner voice again—and it will lead you home.

I’m launching free workshops, workbooks, and online courses soon. If you want someone who’s been there to be by your side as you look at reinventing or reframing your next chapter (or heck, your whole life), I’m here. Get on the list today to make sure you don’t miss the launch!