The Struggle is NOT Real

mindfulnessfoundationpersonal growthsuccess

Feb 12

How to Stop Glorifying a Hard Life

“The struggle is real!”
“Marriage isn’t easy.”
“Anything easy isn’t worth having.”
“No pain, no gain!”

Sound familiar? I bet it does, especially for our American readers! Our culture glamorizes excessive work and suffering as a merit badge of success. Somewhere along the way, the focus shifted from being industrious, hard-working, and carving our own path to glorifying 60-hour work weeks, multitasking, life-hacking, and turning healthy competition into an all-out battle for survival. No wonder so many people struggle with depression and anxiety!

Introduction: The Myth of Struggle

For most of human history, struggle was a necessity. Early humans had to fight for survival—hunting, gathering, defending territory, and enduring harsh conditions. Hardship wasn’t a choice; it was the cost of staying alive. The human brain evolved to reward struggle because overcoming challenges meant security, food, and continuation of the species.

But today, most of us no longer face life-or-death survival on a daily basis. Yet, our brains are still wired to seek validation through struggle. Instead of foraging for food, we grind in corporate jobs; instead of battling predators, we fight for promotions, status, and financial success. The difference? Now, an overwhelming amount of our struggles are manufactured, but we rarely realize we can opt out of this mindset.

We do need challenge and validation to thrive, but there are two key ways of doing this. The first is to create healthy struggle and face the challenges that life naturally places in our path. The second is to manufacture a constant stream of struggles that keep us tied to a loop of exhausting drama-trauma cycles. The real secret? You get to choose which struggles are worthy of your effort instead of subconsciously getting caught in a hustle culture that doesn’t serve you.

The Positives of Healthy Challenges

Yes, challenges can and do build resilience. We can choose our challenges—running a marathon, writing 1,000 words a day, committing to honesty for a year, working out daily. Or, we experience challenges in the course of life—being laid off, grief and loss, divorce, illness. These experiences provide opportunities to test our character and grow in new (often uncomfortable) ways.

In today’s world of convenience, many of these challenges offer healthy validation. But the idea that everything has to be a struggle leads us straight into toxic resilience—a form of resilience that’s not authentic.

The 5 Stages of a Healthy Challenge

Experience (The Challenge Appears)
A situation arises that disrupts normal life—a personal crisis, a professional setback, a health issue, or a major life transition. The brain perceives it as a threat or an opportunity, triggering either resistance or engagement.
Setback (Struggle & Resistance)
Initial attempts to solve the problem often don’t work as expected, leading to frustration, failure, or doubt. Many people get stuck here, feeling like the challenge defines them rather than being something they are experiencing.
Commitment (Choosing to Face It)
A mental shift occurs—choosing to confront the challenge rather than succumb to it. This stage involves problem-solving, strategy, and, often, seeking guidance or support.
Growth (Learning & Adapting)
The struggle begins to yield progress, even if it’s slow. Lessons are learned, new skills are developed, and resilience grows. This is where transformation happens—the challenge starts shaping the person rather than breaking them.
Overcoming (Mastery & Integration)
The challenge is either fully resolved, or the person has developed a new relationship with it (acceptance, mastery, or peace). The experience becomes wisdom—a source of strength and insight for future challenges.

The Manufactured Struggle

Manufactured struggles keep us trapped in cycles of stress without transformation. Instead of real growth, we experience exhaustion, burnout, and the illusion of progress—mistaking hardship itself as an achievement rather than focusing on actual outcomes. These struggles drain our energy and reinforce a scarcity mindset, making us believe that ease is unearned or undeserved. We become addicted to the emotional highs and lows, seeking validation through suffering rather than fulfillment through purpose.

In the end, a manufactured struggle doesn’t move us forward—it just keeps us running in place, mistaking struggle for substance.

The 5 Stages of a Manufactured Struggle

Trigger (Creating or Adopting a Struggle)
Instead of facing a real challenge, a person either manufactures a struggle (pushing through unnecessary hardship) or adopts a struggle from external influences (society, social media, workplace hustle culture, etc.). Examples: Overcommitting to work, making life harder than necessary, engaging in endless online debates, forcing relationships that aren’t working.
Emotional High (The Adrenaline Rush of Hardship)
The brain perceives difficulty as validation, creating a rush of adrenaline that feels like meaning or importance. People start identifying with the struggle, seeing themselves as warriors, martyrs, or hustlers (“Look how hard I’m working!”).
Perceived Setback (The Self-Inflicted Battle)
Unlike real setbacks that lead to growth, manufactured struggles create obstacles that don’t need to exist. Examples: Hustling without purpose, engaging in toxic relationships, or choosing unnecessary suffering (like extreme dieting with no sustainable goal).
Validation Loop (Mistaking Survival for Growth)
Instead of learning and adapting, people mistake getting through it as success. Example: Working 80-hour weeks and thinking, “I survived another brutal week!” They don’t recognize that they haven’t actually achieved anything meaningful—just endured unnecessary hardship.
Repetition (Looping Back into Struggle)
Rather than integrating lessons and moving forward, the person seeks out the next struggle, believing that ease or balance is lazy or undeserved. The cycle repeats endlessly, reinforcing the belief that struggle = worthiness, when in reality, it’s just a treadmill of self-inflicted suffering.

The Cost of the Struggle Mindset

The cost of this mindset is high—in fact, I’d venture to say it’s life or death. When we keep ourselves jacked into a manufactured stress cycle, we’re doing damage to our bodies and brains—never mind our relationships, self-worth, and daily opportunities.

For decades, I heard people say marriage isn’t easy, sex in relationships isn’t sustainable, you can’t have it all, rest is laziness—so many ‘truths’ that I took at face value. These collective beliefs shape our expectations, keeping us stuck in realities that may not even be necessary.

When struggle is seen as noble, people accept unhealthy dynamics—toxic marriages, bad jobs, draining friendships. We stay in situations that don’t serve us because we’re afraid of losing what we have, even if what we have is tearing us apart. We burn out from the exhaustion of always pushing full-gas. We overwork, come home, and snap at our loved ones. We keep adding more and finding less joy, peace, and fulfillment.

We wind up at the end of our ropes, burning the candle at both ends, wondering what the point of all this work is if we’re only left completely depleted. And honestly? Just writing that was exhausting.

It’s time to break the cycle.

Shifting from Struggle to Ease & Flow

What if I told you that you could let go of those struggle narratives? Consider a daily life in which the following statements are true for you! Work can be fulfilling. You can rest without being lazy. You can embrace your family’s dynamics without constant conflict. You can have a marriage that’s fun, passionate, and allows both of you to grow. You can adjust your friend circle to include those who uplift and energize you.

How does that feel? Does it seem impossible? Impractical? Anytime we introduce new ideas into an existing framework, it often feels silly. We’ve spent so much time and effort upholding the previous mindset that it can feel like failure to let it go. Remember, we often have to ‘try out’ a new mindset for awhile before it sticks! Here are some practical ways to rewire these old patterns:

Redefine effort vs. struggle - Hard work isn’t bad, but suffering isn’t required.
Embrace ease without guilt - Learn to accept success, love, and happiness without unnecessary hardship.
Let go of struggle narratives - Recognize and reject phrases and beliefs that make life harder.
Reframe your mindset – From "I have to push through" to "I allow ease and flow."
Make choices that align with joy and simplicity – Not everything has to be a battle.
Derive self-worth from your values - Internally validate your wins - “I did my best!”, “I had fun!”, “I learned something.”
Surround yourself with people who don’t glorify struggle – Avoid toxic hustle and victimhood mindsets.

Conclusion: The New Paradigm

Life doesn’t have to be a struggle to be meaningful. When you choose ease and flow, you create a life that feels good—not just one that looks impressive from the outside. Spoiler alert? When you’re living a life of ease instead of struggle, it looks and feels extremely luxurious! Want to know more about redefining success? Get our newsletter today so you can grab one of the limited spots at our upcoming FREE Success, Redefined Workshop!